Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Emotions and moving forward

Sunday's run really took a lot out of my emotionally and physicallly. Not just because my back acted up and made it near impossible to complete the 8 miles.  But along the way that nasty thing called self doubt crept into my head and started bringing up all of my failures. 
  • Why are you not under 200lbs yet, you should have this figured out?
  • Why are you not running faster? How long does it take for you to figure it out?
  • Why can't you give up sugar, you know that is making you fat?
  • Why did you buy more running skirts when you suck at running?
  • Why don't you just give up?
  • I already signed up for a bunch of race, how am I going to do them?
  • You hate running, while do you do this to yourself?
It took me until today to tell that voice to shut the hell up. The physical part of that 8 miles has me still in pain today, my hips and my shins are both hurting. I feel like I have never gone that distance before, like this is my first time training for a half. Clearly my lack of running outside this cycle is giving my body hell.  At the end of the day self doubt is still there and I just need to look past it and remember how far I have come.  I wrote this yesterday and this morning I didn't want to post it. After some thinking I figured whats wrong with being honesty and not always showing the rainbows and unicorn side of me.

Now back to my regularly schedule program.
Instead of running away from running I am attacking it head on by adding another race to my plate. Might not be the best thing, but what do I have to lose? Virtual race that is. Looking for a Spring Virtual Race head over to Let's Move It Momma's and sign up for the Spring Fever 5K or 10K run.  It's free, but you must contact her to sign up and then email with your results. The run can take place any time between March 1st-15th.

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday!

12 comments:

  1. HUGS FRIEND!!!! You have described almost EVERY one of my runs. I nodded my head as I read your heartbreaking description of your run - girl, I.KNOW.HOW.THIS.FEELS! All of it!!! As you so correctly commented on my blog - 2012 is our year! You're doing all the right things - it's a journey and you're learning things along the way. Hang in there - if it were easy, obesity wouldn't be a problem in America! Focus on how far you've come with your fitness and know that when it's sucking so badly - there are lots of people out there who have felt the exact same thing (or at least I have :). HUGS!

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    1. Thanks! I actually checked my phone on my run and saw that you posted to one of my blog post and I was like. Keep moving.....if she can do it so can you! So you sent me a little unknowing motivation this weekend.

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  2. I could have written this post myself. Except the difference is that you keep running and I haven't run in almost a week! Keep it up!

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    1. Thanks! I guess that is why I posted it. Not only to know that I am not alone, but to show that it happens. It sucks but we have to keep going!

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  3. I get this. 100%. Absolutely. Inside your head is sometimes a terrible place to be. I had XC scheduled yesterday, and yet beat myself up for not running since I got my new Garmin. "A real runner would have taken it out for a test run." Sheez.

    If I could run 8 miles I'd throw a freaking party. How I'm gonna finish a half, I have no idea.

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  4. I think a lot of us can relate to this, Jen. We all have our moments. The fact that you're ready to take the bull by the horns says a lot about you. For me, I had to decide to start being happy with what I *can do* & *who I am*. I cannot focus on what others are doing. It makes me crazy if I do. I don't care about someone else's race times, weight, mileage, etc. I only care about mine. Once I decided to be proud of my accomplishments & hard work....everything changed. I keep reminding myself that 3 years ago, I wasn't running at all. 11 years ago, I was 80 pounds overweight & never moved off the sofa. Pat yourself on the back for getting out there & running, moving, improving your quality of life! :)

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    1. Thank you for reminding me that - its about what I CAN DO!

      Such a good reminder.

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  5. I agree with Alissa. I could have written this blog too. Keep up the great work!

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  6. Big hug to you, Jen--thank you so much for the honesty and openness in your blog. By posting this, you have, as others have said, taken control of the situation. I loved what Heather posted above--not caring about what others can do, what their paces or race times are. I'm still working on that one. If I run at an 11 or 11:30 pace and it is MY best for THAT course on THAT particular day, you'd think that would be great since at least I'm out there. But then I read about this blogger's 7:40 time or 8:30 time and I start thinking that maybe I'm fooling myself to think I'm a runner. If you don't mind, I'd like to share some of your can-do spirit (as well as Heather's!) and be proud of what I do--not what anyone else can do!

    Stick with it, Jen. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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  7. I swear you have been in my head recently. This is how I have been feeling about everything, weight loss, running, snacking, etc. I have been going through all those points in my own head. You will get through it and become much stronger for it. Everyone goes through this but you can do it!

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  8. Our minds are cruel! I had some very similar thoughts on my run today. Although I only did 2 miles. It is all I'm capable of which is a source of great contention with me. I've been running since LAST January and I still suck at it! My goal last year was to run a 1/2 marathon by this Feb...yeah I'm nowhere close which makes me think next year I won't be either. Vicious cycle. Must break out of it!

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  9. Oh my gosh! I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. Especially with those types of negative thoughts. I have MANY of the same ones. I just wanted to say I for one appreciate your honesty so very much because it encourages me to be honest with MYSELF and others. I think you are beautiful and strong and I admire that you got out there and pushed through and DID IT. That is more than I can say this week. You're not alone! Don't every doubt that!! :)

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