Monday, May 9, 2011

Let's get real for a minute

I have been having a hard time with finishing the half. While I said my goal was to finish and not come in last - I still feel like something is missing. I feel like I could have done better. I feel like I should have done better. I don't know why it is so hard for me to allow myself to really celebrate this. Don't get me wrong I am excited, but I just feel...I don't know cheated. The course was tough, I knew it was going to be tough I should have trained better for it. I had amused myself before the run, that after this half I would need to think of a better blog name as I would finally feel like I could call myself a runner. During the race I kept telling myself as I was struggling and trying to fight through that I could never be a runner.  Today I was watching Brothers & Sisters - at the end they said this quote:

 “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
~ George Eliot

It was like a light bulb went off in my head while right now I might not feel like a runner - it is never to late to become the one I want to be. It is never to late to keep trying to reach my goals and achievements. What does this mean, right now I think it means I need to sign up for a second half marathon. I am not ready to make that commitment but I think I need to keep training and looking forward to the next race whatever distance it may be. If I go out and give it all I have I need to be proud of my accomplishments. 

6 comments:

  1. I felt the same way after my first half marathon. My husband couldn't understand why I came home bummed. Everyone thought I should be so excited because I finished my first race...but I was bummed because I knew I could do better. You will do it better...keep working hard. Love the quote...and love brothers and sisters!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know what you mean. Not finishing my first half still is disappointing from time to time.

    But I wouldn't say that you're not a runner because you are one. Maybe you want to better at running (that's what I want) but you're definitely a runner!

    Try again, sign up for that other half but not to soon. Give yourself time to train again for it and improve yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great job on your race, be PROUD.
    My thoughts (for what they're worth)
    You are going to remember your first half marathon forever. You got to run with your husband, you got the memory of actually having your daughter on the course for a bit, how cool and precious is that? and best of all you FINISHED! :-)

    You posted on my blog...."I would love to one day reach that pace"

    Believe in yourself, it may not happen as fast as you want it to. But map out a plan.
    My first half almost 3 years ago I finished in 2:45 and I couldn't run the whole thing, but it was still cool. I couldn't walk without pain for a week or so and the "thought" of running even hurt. My next one was a little better, but still it was not until my third one where I ran the whole way.
    I understand the feeling. My first thought after my very first half marathon was "doesn't count" since I didn't run it all. All these people kept telling me how amazing this and that was, yada yada yada and while I understood, something was missing. It's the competitive streak in me that wants to be better, be perfect, whatever perfect is. I slowly started to get it though and accept my accomplishment.

    The thing I've learned is life is too short. The journey is whats important. So now each time I run, I try to enjoy it. I'm not out there to set world records. I'm there living life, meeting people and having fun....and doing the best that I can.

    sorry it's a bit long w a bit of babbling, I tried finding a "contact button" to email ya :-)

    Stay positive and give yourself credit for what you did....You ARE a runner.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can relate with this as sometimes when I am out for a run I come home and feel like I could of done better. However I do feel great coming home no matter what.

    Running a half marathon is no easy task, we an never know what the route will be like, how many hills, what the weather is like, how we feel, but the important thing to remember is this,

    do you think a few years ago you would have done this, did you ever thing you would say I ran a half marathon?

    You are a runner girl, and don't let one run get you down. continue to work hard and keep going for your goal it's so worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you everyone for the amazing comments and feedback! Some also said to me maybe I need to change my definition of runner - maybe I have this unrealistic expectation in my head and I need to realize that I did this and be proud! Again THANK YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I appreciated this blog...thanks. I am training for my first 1/2 marathon in July and I started off a completely new runner the beginning of this year. A part of me is afraid of failure or not being able to run the complete 1/2 marathon, but what I need to learn is to enjoy the journey in getting to where I want to be, and that I will get there eventually. I feel like I have come a long way in my running & I should be proud of myself for continuing to run and train. I think you did great & like me try and focus on how far you have come from when you first started running! :)

    ReplyDelete